“I want to express how lonely I am here, but I am finding myself short of words. I am getting really really bored out here. Just imagine that I learned how to make animal shapes by using hands. I have learned 5 languages, have studied all sorts of psychological theories and studied few religious manuscripts even. I can’t take my mind off anywhere else…sick and tired of brooding all day long. When I see earth from here, I listen to all kinds of earthly sounds, the traffic, sea waves, a dog’s bark..every single sound of earth is audible to me for half of the day. Though this feeling is temporary, the permanent feeling is of accomplishment, I am getting very meaningful data which can result in milestone findings. The samples I am collecting here shows that, we can build up colonies here and can live in a controlled environment. Anyways, say my hi to everyone out there. I better be a famous personality when I come back after 5 years.”
He stood up from his chair after completing his mandatory daily video log. He knew that there is no way he can send these video back home. They will see them once he has reached back home, in case he does. The trip was supposed to be of 7 years and after 2 years, the nature of trip was becoming sempiternal. He looked at the mirror and noticed the mark over his chin and that day flashed again in his mind.
2 YEARS AGO
In a bathroom pub, only quite place there, he was noticing the mark over his chin. Then a friend came inside the washroom and said, “Dude you’re leaving in a week and therefore now will be a good time to have fun for the first time in your life.”
He hated socializing, but his colleagues insisted that before this milestone journey, they should all have a fun night wherein they can ease off before the daunting task ahead. Sitting in a group at a pub, he generally is a surreptitious one. Not today though, he was facing all kind of questions;
‘What will you miss the most?’
‘What will you do there when a day work is over?’
“You’re just 25, what made you take this decision?’
‘Won’t you miss sex?’
Frankly, he had no answer for any of these questions and cursed himself for giving into his colleague’s pressure to come to this place. He decided he need to go away from them and started to look out for a place to smoke. Smoke saved him from such situations and let him be alone with himself and apart from science, loneliness was his bailiwick.
Away from everyone, he lit up his Ultra Mild and looked at the Moon. He started staring various dark spots the moon had. He could recognize each spot and was looking at his own spot for a long time when a girl interrupted him and asked for a lighter.
‘I borrowed from someone too, I am sorry, here use my ciggerate and light up yours.’ She obliged and was smoking quietly when he noticed the Jim Mullen T-Shirt she was wearing. He was genuinely surprised. No one knows him, no one listens to him, how can she listen to him? He found himself intrigued by her and he just went to her and asked her, ‘How do you know Jim Mulen?’.
‘I don’t’, she smiled.’ I just listen to him.’ She took a puff and gave him a long stare as if studying him. ‘I am impressed you recognize him, not many people know him, is he your companion too?’ She asked.
‘Yes he is! The last one of the self taught jazz player. I keep listening to him in these prolonged emptiness when I travel from one place of relevance to another place of relevance, both in time and distance.’
She smiled and asked, ‘Let’s go inside and dance?’
They both threw away there half burnt smokes and left for the dance floor. Both of them were awkward dancers, clearly both of them were not used to such behaviour, neither dancing and talking to someone unless it is work related. After 5 minutes they left the dance floor and were sitting at a private booth.
Both of them had a drink in their hands but not drinking, uneasy and unsure about each other, both of their minds are asking them to stand and leave now but both were just sitting there and staring nowhere. Then he said, ‘I don’t do this generally, like dance..or talk, but I feel lighter with you.’ She said to that ‘Don’t ruin it by mentioning it.’ He smiled and she returned the favour. He asked for the bill and paid and they both started to walk towards the exit.
‘So where do you work? he asked, ‘I work with the government’, answering his own question initially. She told him that she was a teacher at school and then he told her that he was going away for 7 years.
She was clearly surprised but then trying hard to not show that to him and asked. ’Where are you going?’
PRESENT DAY
His thoughts were disturbed by the siren signalling him that it’s time to work. He gave himself a last look and then he wore his work suit. He had to be very meticulous with his suit, he checked everything and finally checked the oxygen levels and then opened the gates of his shuttle.
Earth was visible from his shuttle, it was visible half of the time. He sighed and went on with his work. Every day he has to take air samples in the controlled environment he had built over moon. He took some soil samples and started making notes. He had built more than hundred controlled environments sectors so the checking would generally take more than 12 hours, but he loved it. He liked if any progress in any of the controlled environment is made. That would be a landmark thing.
He had left his girl of dreams back in earth, it better be worth a ground-breaking discovery.
2 YEARS AGO
He just told her that he is going to the Moon for 7 years for a feasibility study of possible colonization at Moon.
He was dropping her back home, wanted to say so much but was not able to. Million possibilities, there was an obvious connection. He knew in his heart that she feels the same too. He finally found someone whom he wanted to know but the timing was such a bitch! In his heart he was playing millions of scenarios. What if she agreed to wait for me? Why would she? We just met 3 hours ago! What if she agreed to wait and when I come back she won’t be waiting anymore? What if she is not interested? She is just being friendly..No it doesn’t seem like that! I am sure very few must had reached till here! The connection we have is not normal!! The things we are sharing are arcane for everybody else.
She was blank. She just wished he would stop and won’t go. But in her heart she knew too many things are riding on him now. He can’t back out now. That won’t be fair to him. She still just wished. The eagerness to know him better was very high.
‘So what about us?, he asked blankly. He had used all his courage to say these four words.
She was taken aback by sudden candidness, and the blood started rushing inside her body and her face was red within seconds. ‘You know that it is not practical, right?’
Silence. ‘I know’, he finally said, reluctantly ‘But this is not something which happens to me on regular basis, all my life I have been a loner, never been able to gel with anyone, I found every other one pretentious, hence trivial. You are real. You get me. I feel like I can be real me around you, who spends major part of the day studying research papers and listening obscure jazz players.’
‘ I know, its new to me as well, but tell me, you are going next week, what’s the point, it will bring us pain and nothing else. What do you expect? I will wait for a guy for 7 years without any contact with him all this time and whom I have just met 3 hours ago? Part of me wants to, trust me! But there is rationale part of my brain as well who will overcome the stupid one, then what?’
‘You are right! This thing is conceptually wrong! No point! I am leaving in a week, I will be better off up there if I know no one is expecting my return. Will focus on my work instead. Sorry for bringing this up.’
They have reached till her place. She kissed him goodbye and both were on their own way.
As he reached home, he sat down and was trying to decide what is that he was feeling. He was not sad. He was experiencing butterflies for the first time, He was happy that something like this happened to him. He was feeling alive after many years. He decided that he should be happy that it happened. This was a new feeling. He was happy in his own little world and needed no one else.
********
Next day at office, one his colleague came and asked, ‘Where were you last night? We realized that you met a girl and you guys were hitting off very well and hence we left without disturbing you. We never saw you smiling so much, did she drugged you?’
He smiled and said, ‘You guys did a right thing by not disturbing!’
Colleague kept staring and was wanting more info on what happened but he was not giving away anything. ”That’s it? You are not going to tell me what happened?’
‘I’m going next week anyways, so no point’, he said with a smile on his face, ‘I will like to keep it this way only.’
His office phone rang and the caller from other side said someone is here to meet him. It was her. He asked receptionist to show her the way to cafeteria, and inform her that he will join her in a minute.
‘Hey! What a pleasant surprise!’ he said awkwardly.
‘I am sorry to show up here like this but I had no other place where I could reach you.’ She was speaking too fast.
‘No problem! So what’s up?’ he asked blankly, urging her to keep speaking.
‘You said that you have a week before you leave for the Moon?’
‘Yes, exact 7 days!’
‘Look, here’s the deal! I am not the one who live her life by thinking what could have been, I know the odds are not in our favour and I still want to take this chance, between no feeling at all and pain of missing you, I chose pain.’
PRESENT DAY
‘Hello Earthlings, What’s up? Everything is same here at my level. Still miss earth. About findings, I think we may have found a controlled environment which is stabilizing and is almost identical to the atmospheric pressure one would feel at the height of Mount Everest. Not ideal, but still a start. We will reach there I am sure.’
After completing his video log, he put Jim Mullen on his music player and started looking at her pics which were everywhere in his room. These photographs were of those 7 days they spent together before he left, they were eating, laughing and even making out in a photograph. He refer those days as the craziest week of his life. Had to be. He had 7 days to create memories that will help him go through these 7 years. Those were enough. Her words kept haunting his mind, “between no feeling at all and pain of missing you, I chose pain”
He stared at earth from his window. His country was visible to him. He waved at her, hoping she knew that he is waving right now,
Back at earth, she waved back, smiling.
Randomstan 